Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Battle of the Bounty Hunters: Boba Fett vs Duane "Dog" Chapman

I've been watching a lot of "Dog the Bounty Hunter" on TV lately. It's not my favorite show, but it's entertaining. "The Dog" is pretty good at what he does, but is he the best? The only competition for him I can think of is Boba Fett, maybe the baddest bounty hunter in the universe. Let's see how they stack up.

Best hair: The Dog. Boba's hair is not apparent.

Best weaponry: Boba Fett. Most of the time, The Dog only carries some mace and handcuffs. Occasionally, he open-carries a piece, but Boba always has his sweet-ass lazer gun with him, which can be set to both stun and kill.

Best body armor: Boba Fett. The dog wears and open shirt typically, making him especially vulnerable to, well, nearly any kind of attack. Hell, he could be cut with a butter knife with the right person were wielding it.

Most notable bounties: Boba Fett. Who of any consequence has the Dog taken down over the years? He makes a living taking down a lot of drug addicts and soft criminals. Wake me up when he brings in the head of the Russian mafia or an international criminal along the lines of Osama Bin Laden. Boba brought in -- with the Empire's help -- Han Solo and, according to Star Wars geeks, killed a bunch of Jedi.

Most bounties total: The Dog. Supposedly he has taken down over 6,000 scumbags in his career.

Best looking family: The Dog. The Chapmans are not a great looking bunch, but Baby Lyssa, Leland and Duane Lee are all better looking than the spawn of Jango Fett, essentially Boba's clone brothers, who ultimately became the Imperial Stormtroopers.

Superior range: Boba Fett. The Dog is stuck on earth, though he does have a bail bonds business in Hawaii. Boba Fett can go anywhere in the universe, including Hawaii, if he really wanted to do that.

Boba Fett, by a 4-3 margin, is the best bounty hunter.